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My desi father's encouragement after I broke up with my boyfriend:

• (it was the first, proper break-up to have occurred in my life, I was probably 18 or so, it was a cold, bitter winter and I was lying in bed, crying my eyes out and hugging my pillow for the past week and a half without eating a morsel of food)
• Dad: May I enter your room, Holy Princess?
• Dad: Ha ha, stop crying. Foolish girl.
• Dad: Astaghfirullah. What is that smell? Did you burn something?
• Dad: It is the smoke rising from your head to see me this positive, yes?
• Dad: Okay. Okay. No more to joke.
• Dad: I am a Muslim, Pakistani father. I never liked the idea of you being with him but I said, "Let it be, yaar. She is young. She is free. I still love her. She is my baby princess." Wipe your snot. So I was okay with him being with you. But it hurts me a lot more to see you like this.
• Dad: You are not chubby anymore. What kind of diet is this, hmm? Ha ha, I made funny joke.
• Dad: (pushes my hair behind my ear) Allah created hearts to break and heal every now and then. That is why we are humans. If we did not hurt, we wouldn't be who we are today. But having a broken heart means you have two options: To heal it and become invincible. Or to mope away and become a pathetic shadow of the person you once were. What would my little girl do?
• Dad: She would eat lotta chips. Ha ha ha.
• Dad: Okay, sorry. She would fight back and win her strength to become who she was and will be forever. You are going to meet someone amazing. Boys are idiots. I thank Allah for not giving me sons. They are foolish donkeys. Daughters are warriors. You are my warrior. When you were born, I had tears. I was so scared. I did not want anyone to hurt my baby. Today he hurt you. Allah will take revenge. But you take your time to heal and know that I am always here for you even if my English is not too good.
• Dad: That boy was a bastard, foolish dog from hell. Bastard.
• Dad: I love you.